Every couple must have had a fight. Often these quarrels do not last long, and your relationship is back in harmony. But sometimes these arguments take a long time. Much longer. It’s so long that it seems like you’re fighting more than having a healthy relationship. When this happens in your marriage, you will wonder if you mistakenly chose a partner. Then arise again the question of whether you should survive or divorce.
If only there was a right way to find out whether your marriage was on the verge of collapse or whether all this was just the ups and downs of the household that each couple traveled. If there is a way to know when your marriage can not be maintained anymore. Below are four signs that will help you know that.
1. Are you harassed or neglected?
In my experience as a marriage counsel, any kind of harassment is the most painful and hardest to correct in marriage.
Statistics indicate cases like this are difficult to handle, especially if the intruder is not responsible for his actions and want to ask for help psychologist. Marriage should not be maintained and you can seek a healthier relationship.
2. Do you or your partner withdraw?
After a long quarrel not infrequently one partner feels saturated. You do not want to make up for just another fight two weeks later. Therefore you choose to keep silent. You even try to avoid your partner so you do not have to talk to him. And when asked to speak you answer it with a good but brief.
Renowned researcher, John Gottman of the University of Washington, considers pulling away is one of the four most dangerous elements in marriage. When one partner withdraws, the chances of saving their marriage are smaller.
3. You always apologize, but your partner never
When you apologize, you acknowledge your mistake in that situation. You are trying to correct mistakes and make peace. Apology is important in couples relationships. But if only you are sorry and your partner never, then your partner is not aware of what his mistake. He can not change what he does not realize.
Many couples came to me with a “hard-to-communicate” complaint. After talking for a while there was no communication difficulty at all. Their partners hear clearly and understand what they say, but they do not want to know and do not want to change.
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In these circumstances you have to decide whether you want to live with a partner that is so or you want a change-with or without your partner.
4. Your partner is addicted
I still remember one of the first couple to ask for my help. The wife is addicted to alcohol. He lost some jobs and his driver’s license was revoked due to drunkenness. Children, husbands, parents and friends all say he has a problem. Even his doctor said he was shortening his age and soon his heart needed to be grafted. But he himself did not seek help to overcome his addiction. She was convinced that the problem in her household was her chatty husband and always called her an addiction to alcohol. He said if her husband does not always make a fuss about this matter they can live more harmoniously.
Like the woman above, often addicted to marriage, but the addict does not realize or do not want to change. When this happens, you face a difficult decision.
In the end, the decision to divorce or not is in your hands. No one else can decide. But the above examples can help you decide whether your marriage is worth saving.